Five Books that Changed My Life

Why don’t you grow up!

This question was asked of me by my elders when I was a child and usually when I was being my worst self, fighting with my siblings, or behaving in a way that was unacceptable to the adults who were present. Somehow I came to believe that when I "grew up" I would have all the answers and always know the right thing to do. I must have been in my thirties when it occurred to me that "growing up" was a process and not an event. That realization was initially very disturbing.
As I grew into adulthood I gradually developed a number of beliefs about life. These beliefs came to me from parents, teachers, friends, religion, life experiences, books, and many other sources. I stored these believes in my heart like some sort of enchanted forest, a Camelot of values and ideals. When I entered that enchanted forest of beliefs I felt like life was good, right, and true. When life challenged me I would retreat there and look for one of my deep strong truths that would help me feel strong, safe, and secure.
One of my most profound "growing up" experiences has been that of disenchantment: having to go to my enchanted forest and discovering that what gave me such comfort then no longer does that for me. Life has been a process of discovering which of my beliefs is steadfast and which ones need to be adapted or discarded entirely.
When disenchantment happens it can be a challenge to look at life positively. It is a time to stay very close to the Divine in prayer and reflection. It is a time to trust that the Divine will lead me into the enchanted forest and will help me find the way back out, wiser and healthier in what I believe to be true about life and myself. Growing up does not mean that I cast away all of my hopes and dreams but it does call me to look at those beliefs more carefully and, in turn, challenges me to be open to adapting or changing them.

Welcome to my blog.

I was born in Louisville, Kentucky, raised in a Scots-Presbyterian home. Growing up on a farm in northern New Jersey I spent much of my childhood showing horses and roaming the woods. As an adult, I was a corporate trainer and continued an active church life serving as a hospital chaplain, teacher, childrens department director, Eucharistic minister, and ultimately a Junior Warden in an Episcopal church. I also found time to serve for over twenty years, in varying capacities, as a Boy Scout leader. It was not until my retirement in 2006 that I began to explore a lifelong interest in spirituality, mythology, and esoteric traditions.

The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels is one of the books that literally changed my life. I like honesty in religion, and this book is about being honest with the development of early Christianity. Why couldn’t there be other authentic gospels than those in the Bible? When I learned the historical facts surrounding the choice of only four "true" gospels, and then why any other gospels were literally suppressed, I was deeply disturbed. The more I read the more I felt like I'd been deceived.

"THE TRUTHS contained in religious doctrines are after all so distorted and systematically disguised," writes Sigmund Freud, "that the mass of humanity cannot recognize them as truth. The case is similar to what happens when we tell a child that newborn babies are brought by the stork. Here, too, we are telling the truth in symbolic clothing, for we know what the large bird signifies. But the child does not know it. He hears only the distorted part of what we say, and feels that he has been deceived; and we know how often his distrust of the grown-ups and his refractoriness actually take their start from this impression."
I felt as if my faith was based on distortions and half-truths. The response to Christ was essentially hijacked, placed in a straightjacket, and victoriously won by one form of Christianity that insisted that only they knew the truth. Faith changed from being a thoughtful follower of Christ to being a believer in a particular system of beliefs. I have to wonder if that was what Jesus really wanted.

Trust the literal teachings of the Bible and Jesus will set you free! That is not my Christ!

I believe that the Jesus vision of faith was more open and loving. He protested those in his own religion who believed and lived as if they had all the answers, were legalistic, and judgmental, giving the impression they were better than others were.

The gnostic approach to faith teaches that we are to seek values such as peace, honesty, love and truth rather than going around saying that we are privy to these qualities just because we say we are Christian.

These values are attainable, but not permanent simply because one believes a certain way. I find the gnostic way of always seeking these higher values in one’s life without having to have final and definitive answers a more honest way to believe and be a follower of Christ. The Gnostics did not claim that their way of faith was the only way to believe. They believed that faith was more than accepting any set of beliefs and that one’s beliefs could change. Faith was a dynamic process of becoming spiritually alive because of seeking a vital, positive relationship with the Divine.

Being a seeking Christian raises my religious spirit because faith at the deepest level means trusting a source and energy greater than my knowledge.

Welcome to my blog. Who knew heresy could be so interesting?